A word spoken twice in Hebrew is “Pay attention”. A word spoken 3 times is “listen, heed, this is vitally, life changingly important”.
I only just bow my head and whisper the words, holy, holy, holy in worship. Even as I strain to “FEEL” the awe of a holy God, I know they are just words that convey a truth to me. They are not yet a truth in truth in me that ignites my very body, soul and spirit. It’s all there, but in my mind only.
Yet, as I seek to worship His holiness in my mind I find: 1. My mind is skittering around, like I’m avoiding the issue; 2. Someone else’s name comes to mind and I think “They need this”; 3. I become aware this isn’t a moment to focus on what someone else needs. This is between my life and who I see God as; 4. I find myself seeing myself . What explodes on my conscience thought is my self righteous judgments. Not one, but several instances flood my mind; 5. I know at that moment that I don’t need to “FEEL” in worship, but just speaking the words, in deliberate remembrance of God as Holy, Holy, Holy was all God needed to gain entrance into my heart, soul and spirit. He was in, and His light was able to shine on the garden of my heart.
His light was shining directly on the WEED of self righteousness that has so flourished in my garden. This weed was casting deep shade over the good seeds which are trying to grow in the garden. It has kept them unable to grow, let alone bloom. I cried out in horror at what I'm seeing, “Rip it out, Lord, Please, rip it out”.
The answer in my heart is “You must pull it up.”
I am dismayed, but choose to act on the thought. I grasp it towards the top, thinking a little tug only would be needed and it would just pop out.
I grab it and feel a prickle as of nettles, but not to bad, so give it a jerk. The top leaves break off in my hand, but the weed is still very much present and unmoved. Moreover, my hands are on fire.
I try and find a hold lower down looking for a place between thorns. A place it won't hurt me to grasp it to uproot it. I find my hands are stinging just from the topmost leaves I did manage to break off. Every place I even try to place a finger encounters more and more pain. It's like there is a poison that enters the hand as I grasp it - to keep me from trying to pull it out.
It's like I hear mocking laughter .
I despair I cry out “Oh LORD, help me. I cannot do this.”
I feel his hand cupping my hands. He wraps my hands firmly around the very bottom of that weed, and closes them securely against the stem. And holding my hands in place he drew that weed up and out, roots and all. It hurt – like I was tearing my very body apart. I thought I would die of the pain. But as I looked, I saw the weed was gone. There was a crater the size of my life in my garden.
Next will be the ongoing repentance against judging others, and keeping my eyes on Him. I need give Him the Lordship of my life. In Him only can I be healed, cleansed and made into his image.
Oh Holy, Holy, Holy LORD GOD Almighty! Father, Creator, Savior. I love you. I worship you. Thank you!