Crossroads - from 1972

I sat at the crossroads

and before me lay a choice

one, a narrow road,

steep, rough, hard

going to a “good” promised end;

yet in between

lay all the hardships

ever mortal could conceive,

or so it seemed,

looking up and seeing

only a treacherous narrow path

in the fog obscured.

                                                             

The other road was broad,

well worn, provided

with sunlight and ease,

and all that could

give pleasure along the way,

or so it seems.

Yet, looking down

just briefly it seemed the   

color was wrong, unreal,                                                                  
gaudy,    and a faint rumor 
of sorrow and pain;  

but the end was far off and

the reports uncertain -

they could be wrong.

                                                              Well – I would try each one

for awhile, and choose            

on the basis of what

I found myself

But the sign -

No, I won't read it again.

It forces me.

I can't.

I must....................

                                          “CHOOSE NOW,
                           YOU CAN NEVER KNOW WHICH

                              IS THE LAST CROSSROAD.”



I look back,                              
thinking to return

the way I'd come, 
to not have to decide,

But that path is gone -

behind is an infinite

emptiness.

I am on the edge of nothingness  with only 
                                                                      the two roads before me.

I sit down crying

       for the lonely,                         

       disappointing past,

       for the longing to

       continue on the broad

       easy road,

       for fear.

I wanted to take the steep, narrow road, but was afraid

the path did not reveal more than a few steps ahead, 
and those rough and hard
 and no visible pleasures to be experienced.

I looked up trying to see more

I thought my tears had                     

blinded my vision

A little above me,

on the curve in the

mountain path,

stood a new born lamb

White, whiter than white,

and perfect – but

the lamb had the eyes of a man,

filled with love

around him was light -

and I could see to go to him -

I looked to my feet to

place them on that road.

I looked up again

He had moved further up

and was dim – but in

his steps there was blood. 
It trickled down to my feet

and covered my toes,

and I knew I could follow.

I understood that

with each step up

He was ahead.

Though only one step      

was visible at a time,

where I stepped, it was into

glorious light.

The colors were brilliant, alive 

I grew tired, and rested,

surrounded by a strange peace      

I could not be lonely as

long as I followed.

I knew he was there, ahead,

even though I could not see him and I slowly came to hear his quiet words.

I don't know the next step       

but I've found I can trust

in the Son of God,  
the Son of Man before me.

In Him I am held forevermore,
Kept close to his heart and
safe.

Sinning and forgiveness

I have seen in myself  how I know the way of the LORD - in many ways, but I've also seen in myself  sin that I had been blithely calling my personality.   Claiming it is who I am, it's me.  ARG!!!

I know what is right but when it cuts across what I want to do, I do what I want.  And it hit me that doing what I want in the face of the knowledge that it is not God's righteousness or way,  that I have disrespect for God's forgiveness. For His    crucifixion  and death, to buy for me Salvation (to become a child of God) and forgiveness for my sin.

Yes, I certainly know God will forgive me.  Moreover, I know even as I sin, I will being going to the LORD seeking forgiveness.  That means I am making Christ's death for my sins a light matter.

This is a spirit of independence in me.  All my protestations that I love the LORD, that He is LORD of my life, is nothing when I still do what I want anyway.  

It's so easy to go over the speed limit if I don't think I'll get caught, 'cuz I like to go.... fast!  I do not think the speed limit is wrong.  I do believe that part of God's will is that we obey the laws of the land where we are resident.  But when I want to do it my way, I DO.   This is one of the ways I choose my way over what is right.

I have known the LORD all my life, brought up by a pastor/missionary Father and Mother who lived their  lives by their faith.  As an adult now, I reckon  they had their own battles and struggles but as a child I was secure in the assurance that they were in their lives what they taught me was God's way.

This opening of my eyes to my rebellion and casual view toward doing what I want even when not in line with what God desires has totally  blown my socks off as it were.    Now,  I believe God has given me the freedom of choice but I also know with those I love  I make choices that I know will be what they like, even if it's not exactly what I want to do.

In a greater way, God has lavished His love on me and the desire of His heart,  is my love in return.  That how I live would be motivated by my love for Him, even when it may not be exactly what I feel like doing.

How can it be that I know this and have known it, it seems like all my life, but only now am seeing that in truth I have drifted away from loving obedience.

Dear LORD, forgive me.  And thank you for a love so great that  you don't quit loving when I sin, and that your love is such that you will lead me to see areas in my own life that are a hindrance to our fellowship.  Thank you for your revelation and that when I come to you in repentance your forgiveness is complete and healing.  I LOVE YOU LORD.