I know what is right but when it cuts across what I want to do, I do what I want. And it hit me that doing what I want in the face of the knowledge that it is not God's righteousness or way, that I have disrespect for God's forgiveness. For His crucifixion and death, to buy for me Salvation (to become a child of God) and forgiveness for my sin.
Yes, I certainly know God will forgive me. Moreover, I know even as I sin, I will being going to the LORD seeking forgiveness. That means I am making Christ's death for my sins a light matter.
This is a spirit of independence in me. All my protestations that I love the LORD, that He is LORD of my life, is nothing when I still do what I want anyway.
It's so easy to go over the speed limit if I don't think I'll get caught, 'cuz I like to go.... fast! I do not think the speed limit is wrong. I do believe that part of God's will is that we obey the laws of the land where we are resident. But when I want to do it my way, I DO. This is one of the ways I choose my way over what is right.
I have known the LORD all my life, brought up by a pastor/missionary Father and Mother who lived their lives by their faith. As an adult now, I reckon they had their own battles and struggles but as a child I was secure in the assurance that they were in their lives what they taught me was God's way.
This opening of my eyes to my rebellion and casual view toward doing what I want even when not in line with what God desires has totally blown my socks off as it were. Now, I believe God has given me the freedom of choice but I also know with those I love I make choices that I know will be what they like, even if it's not exactly what I want to do.
In a greater way, God has lavished His love on me and the desire of His heart, is my love in return. That how I live would be motivated by my love for Him, even when it may not be exactly what I feel like doing.
How can it be that I know this and have known it, it seems like all my life, but only now am seeing that in truth I have drifted away from loving obedience.
Dear LORD, forgive me. And thank you for a love so great that you don't quit loving when I sin, and that your love is such that you will lead me to see areas in my own life that are a hindrance to our fellowship. Thank you for your revelation and that when I come to you in repentance your forgiveness is complete and healing. I LOVE YOU LORD.
I have known the LORD all my life, brought up by a pastor/missionary Father and Mother who lived their lives by their faith. As an adult now, I reckon they had their own battles and struggles but as a child I was secure in the assurance that they were in their lives what they taught me was God's way.
This opening of my eyes to my rebellion and casual view toward doing what I want even when not in line with what God desires has totally blown my socks off as it were. Now, I believe God has given me the freedom of choice but I also know with those I love I make choices that I know will be what they like, even if it's not exactly what I want to do.
In a greater way, God has lavished His love on me and the desire of His heart, is my love in return. That how I live would be motivated by my love for Him, even when it may not be exactly what I feel like doing.
How can it be that I know this and have known it, it seems like all my life, but only now am seeing that in truth I have drifted away from loving obedience.
Dear LORD, forgive me. And thank you for a love so great that you don't quit loving when I sin, and that your love is such that you will lead me to see areas in my own life that are a hindrance to our fellowship. Thank you for your revelation and that when I come to you in repentance your forgiveness is complete and healing. I LOVE YOU LORD. 
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