Friday, February 3, 2012
I then called to mind how I felt the Lord speak into my own life at a time of a crisis of faith. I was in Bible school at the time. Alone in the dorm room one night I determined in my heart to leave Bible school the next day. To turn my back on "this dumb religious stuff". I was angry at how my life was going and figured my problem was because of being suckered into this fake life. Almost as the decision was stated in my mind, I had a picture come into my mind of Christ opening the door of the room and leaving, and a dark heavy oppression blew in and towered over me. It was not a vision, but only an inner impression. I only remember turning over and sobbing and begging the Lord to forgive me and come back. Not to leave me. My pathway was not a straight line of spiritual growth or success thereafter but from then on I knew I never wanted to be without Christ in my life.
40 years later I still long for a face to face interaction with the LORD. But, for whatever reason, this is not actually how the LORD comes to most of us. This made me decide to consider just how the LORD does speak to me, to us all. It seems to me the LORD most often comes to me in the reading and memorization of his WORD. Not random passages but verses, chapters, maybe books even that have come alive. I've found memorization helps me to mull over verses that have caught my attention when I don't have a Bible open before me.
In my younger years I memorized a lot but got busy with stuff, and then found when I started using another translation than the King James version I'd grown up with, I could not seem to memorize. Even today I go back to my King James roots to memorize. It sticks better for me as it seems more poetic. Our modern versions to me seems more mundane in language. They don't seem to pack the punch.
But, in reading the word and going over it in my mind later I've found again and again my mind and spirit is quickened. For me, it helps when I start with prayer that my heart and mind be open to what the LORD is revealing about himself, and about who he says his children are in him. To learn to know the heart of God. I've found the more I can see of who he is, that can see some answers to some of my questions. I don't think the LORD will ever answer all the questions, in this life.
Often when struggling with some issue or attack on my mind of fear, doubt or anger a verse will drop into my mind. Actually it's amazing how many times it is an old hymn or song built on some specific scripture and as I sing the song, or look up the passage my heart is suddenly at peace. So immediately and thoroughly it still makes me catch my breath.
So, in prayer, in reading in meditation I find he brings light to my life's questions. It is sometimes a blinding, "knocked to my knees" light and sometimes a gentle river flowing over me. Often my most immediate response is tears, sometimes even sobbing and then peace and joy. All of his children will have their own special language and interaction with the Lord. This is mine.