Prayer and the Presence of God

A statement in a book I just finished reading really set up  some serious thought for me.  The question asked was to the effect that if I don't seek God's presence  in this life, would I really want to be in heaven?

This question was in regard to the subject of praying, as a body,  for  a true God driven revival in a church.

 This question stopped me in my tracks.  

I pray, and often but confess there is more of a "well, I hope God will do this, or answer my prayers" than a  LORD God Almighty, I love you and want to talk this over with you and /or share my heart with you and hear your thoughts on this issue.

The next thought was,  "why do I want to go to heaven.  Is is because of my deep love for my Savior, and desire to be personally in his presence?  Is that what I hope for in eternity?

I have the vocabulary,  and I have the belief but what is in my heart.  What I saw dismayed me.

I saw my desire for heaven was all about ME.  I saw it was a desire to be free of :

Stress

Pain

Loneliness

Responsibility

Sin

Fear.  


Yes,  I am looking forward to singing praise to the LORD with all the inhabitants of heaven. But there is the aspect of me being filled through and through with music that feeds even that desire.

So often, even when I "count the beads" of why I love the LORD, it is all about what he had done for ME, my blessings.  

Oh Lord,  for all that you are and for all that you do I ask you with all of my redeemed spirit - fill me full of a true love for you.  

A love not based on what I get out of the relationship, but a laying prone before you in awe and humility.  A love that is not just words, but love that desires to be filled up and overflowing with what you desire and long for in me.

Teach me LORD God Almighty, to love truly.